The Reason

I walked out the building, after gathering all the energy I have left. Dust covered all over my body, including the new shirt my mother has bought earlier for Ied, the one I had just tried on, the crisp white shirt that now is covered with dust, sweat, and blood.

Had bought, I proudly remember the lesson my English teacher taught me last week. Miss Anne, the American volunteer, would be so proud of me, to remember such thing in such time.

Then it hits me.

My mother’s gone.

I did not even have the heart to see the remaining of her body. I made the mistake once, when the same thing happened to father. The image haunted me for years, every night I would wake up screaming – and crying too. The man I once loved becomes my worst nightmare, haunting my sleep every night, and I would not let what happened tonight ruin the memory I have of my mother too.

After all, that’s all I have. Memories.

 

It’s all chaos on the street. People are running, shouting. I can hear the sound, I just cannot listen to the words. It’s like they are talking in a language I don’t understand. Only after a man shook my body violently that I realize they are running toward me, talking to me.

I see a face, and the words coming out of his mouth.

“It’s all right, Son. It’s all right.”

I wish I could say the same.

 

But no. It’s not all right. Everything’s ruined. Everything’s gone. Everything was taken away from me. My father, my mother, my baby brother. My home. My life.

And I don’t even know why.

I don’t know what’s happening. It’s all quiet and normal and suddenly the rockets came. Suddenly it rained of bombs, mortars, and fire.

And I don’t even know why.

I don’t know what we’re fighting about. I don’t even know why we fight. I don’t know why I, an ordinary ten year old, is getting involved in this.

Now I do now one thing.

Hatred.

I have nothing to lose, not since they took everything from me.

I will fight, even when I know that I couldn’t possibly win.

I will fight, even when it means nothing to them. Even little chaos matters, at least to me. So they know what it’s like to lose something.

I will fight, I’m already trapped anyway.

I will fight, even to my last breath.

I will fight.

They gave me the reason to.

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